It was never my intention to fall for this guy. He is best friends with a close family member and I thought it would be really weird if we dated. I would like to point out that he initiated conversation first and I really wasn’t trying to date anyone actually. So, we started talking every day and next you thing you know, I’m crushing big time. There were red flags from the beginning, but I chose to ignore them. Even still, it was a surprise to find out that he’d actually been leading me on while he waited for the other woman to “step up.” Yeah, he said that. I hope that what I am writing here will discourage you from ending up in the same situation I was in.
First, let me address the red flags just in case you’re not sure yet if you’re the side chick or not:
- He says he doesn’t know what he wants. He holds your hand, kisses you, does other nice things for you and then drops that bombshell. Ladies, if he says this, run. He’s had more than enough time to figure it out. If you’re not on the same page after telling him or showing him how you feel, you’re never going to be.
- He doesn’t want friends or family to know about the two of you. When I was leaving, he said, don’t tell your [close family member] about us. Alarm bells went off. MAJOR alarm bells should have been going off. This is another sign that you’re not the main priority in his life. Again, don’t be like me. Walk out the door and don’t look back.
- He tells you he’s seeing someone else. This one is a no brainer, but I chose to ignore it. I even told him I was not going to be a side jawn (that’s Philly talk, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term). I told him I wasn’t going to compete for his affection because I would win. Yeah, I am confident like that.
Now, here’s the thing about my situation. I didn’t compete and I didn’t win. I found out I was the side chick when he “accidentally” sent me a snapchat of the two of them together. Real cool, that guy. Here I was thinking he didn’t like her anymore and I was going to tell him that I wanted to date him the next time we saw each other. Now, technically we were never in a relationship or even dating, but the hurt feelings were still there.
If you are here, chances are you’ve already found out you’re the side chick. Have you freaked out on him yet? If not, you’ve got way more willpower than I did. If you have, chances are you’re no longer speaking and that’s okay, too. You don’t need that kind of man in your life and here’s what you can do to help yourself move on.
- Talk it out. Please, tell him about himself as calmly as possible. Be the bigger person and let him know that leading you on was not cool. This will lead you to the next step:
- Walk away and never look back. Do not pursue him. If he’s made you the side chick, chances are slim he will make you his main lady. Also, if you were once a side chick, who’s to say some other woman won’t come along and turn the tables? Trust is extremely important in a relationship and trust can’t be built on a relationship where you started out as the side piece.
- Realize that it’s not your fault. You thought you were in love and you made a stupid mistake. You have every right to be sad and angry. Don’t dwell on the fact that you may have been less than lady-like. Learn from your situation and move on.
- Find healthy ways to cope. For example, I walked. A lot. The cold weather helped take my mind off my thoughts and the fresh air was just good overall. I’ve also started reading up on and practicing mindful meditation. Find something that you enjoy and soon that bad situation will just be a memory.
Have you ever found yourself as the side chick? What did you do about it?